Mother-Daugther Moments

What a sweet time Kat and I had yesterday! The weather here was gorgeous-something we don't take for granted, because it is usually either hot and humid or raining! Her wedding is so close; glad we told her we needed six months to prepare, or it would be even closer! She and I have had some precious moments shopping for wedding ideas, looking at what she might want in her house, and just being together talking about our life. I am getting to share with her all the minute details of her planning her new life together with Jon, and I am honored.

I knew the day would come when some dashing young man would sweep her off her feet. I thought it might have been someone else, but glad it wasn't. I don't know what I hoped as far as when she would get married. God's timing is not my timing; His will is not my will-both of which I am very grateful for since I can't see the big picture from the same perspective He does. A dear friend reminded me just recently that if God is in something, timing is all His, if God is not, no amount of time will make it right!

So...yesterday I didn't have to share her. We went to her first gynecology appointment. Doctor was fabulous, and Kat was such a blessing to me. I asked her if she had any questions for the doctor, and she said no, she could ask her "mommy." Then we popped into IHOP. She ordered a full breakfast-I had toast :). She had class after that. I came home and muddled around a bit. We did lunch and then Kat and I took off to the Boardwalk. She wanted to look at kitchen stuff. There is a new kitchen store down there that had me drooling (and I really don't cook much!). She discovered they do wedding registry-yea for her! We did a bit of clothes shopping, drifting around the area, and then stopped in at Cold Stone for ice cream. She ordered this massive oreo creation in a waffle bowl; I got a small cup of coffee lovers. We sat outside the parlor and people watched. We laughed as people qawked at her ice cream and made comments! Then I was off to work, and so was she.

Steve picked me up from work, and we went to a friend's to work on their wireless. I got to catch up on them, play with their precious little one, and eat strawberry pie (so delicious!). Steve and I headed to Logan's where he got a steak dinner, and I got a sweet potato! (I told him I had been a cheap date all day!). By then Kat was home again. I crawled into bed next to her and we watched Dancing with the Stars on her laptop...before calling it a night. Whew....it was a sweet day with lots of opportunities to bounce ideas off each other, vent a little, plan a little, and make memories!

Love, Love, Love

I knew this guy one time that wrote an essay on "What is love." He hit pretty close, but really, Love defies human comprehension....at least the kind of love that makes a difference. I often look at myself and wonder if I am even close. God's love for me is an agape love, a love that is completely independent of me, completely unconditional. I find in most of my relationships, love is anything but unconditional. Not only do I expect something from other people, their demands on me are at times stifling.

I was reading in this little booklet this morning by Gary Smalley, I Promise. It is a covenant book for married couples or those about to be married. My hubbie ordered it not too long ago. He has already read through it, and I am working on it (along with the other dozen or so books I am reading at this moment). One idea really caught my idea today. This idea of "focus."

We can choose what we focus on in other people. We are all composed of good and bad qualities. For every positive, there is a negative. All we have to do is look. (I am paraphrasing Dr. Smalley). In a relationship, we choose what to focus on. I have certainly been on both sides of that issue. There have been lots of times in my marriage when my husband wasn't what I thought I needed. My heart attitude turned negative, and I had to get a grip. I am sure he would say the same thing about me. Not only is that true in our marriage, but as parents, with our children's spouses, and with our extended family and friend relationships. I could list lots of negatives in my own life, my children's lives, my in-laws, out-laws, and everyone in between, but...if love is independent of that, then I have to choose to love anyway and I do.

I choose to love my kids and their spouses regardless of anything that has been said or done on their ends. I choose to love my siblings and parents despite the neglect, abuses, and pain suffered at their hand. (I called both my mom and dad this week) I choose to love the sweet people God has blessed us with, even though they have glaring faults (just like I do). Only God changes people. It is God which is at work in my life to conform me into his image. It is God who is at work all around me. It is God who places us in the family of His choosing, and it is God who knows why. I am trusting. I am choosing to focus on what is good, not on what is not. Love? I don't know that I really know how, but I am learning.

Lord, bless my children today. Guide their hearts and their relationships down the roads that lead completely to you. Give them victory in their marriages, in their on going relationships, at school and at work. Give them favor with every life they touch. Reveal to them how much you love them and are at work in their lives. Remind them today that their very names are written on the palms of your hands. I know you will finish what you have begun in all of our lives and am trusting you to do just that. Thank you that your love for us is so individual and so complete and not a tear is shed that you don't see. Thank you for giving us life and life abundantly. Thank you that not a word of yours returns void and that every situation that ever has been, is currently, or shall be is not hid from you. You know our downsitting and our rising. You have known us before we were formed. You remember that we are but dust but love us anyway. Lord, thank you for placing me into my birth family, the family I married into, and the Spiritual family I was reborn into. Lord thank you for giving me the children you gave me for the time that you did. Thank you for providing life long mates for them. Lord, it is all Yours...it is all Yours!

Valentine's Day

How many years have I spent with my hubbie as my valentine? Hmmm...I met him when I was 12 years old which seems incredible to me right at this moment. I have known him for over 30 years. The last few months have been so stressful in our lives which is causing us to really sit down and reevaluate where we are and where do we want to go? So much of our life has stood still because we have allowed other things to be a greater priority. Life itself, the needs of other people in our life, work obligations, our children, and now extended family and the reconstruction of our house...all stand in the way of time we desperately need together.

We keep saying we need to make changes, and we are doing that but not fast enough! Our time and resources go everywhere but into us. I love Valentine's Day-always have. I love being able to do something special for our children and now our grandchild to remind them that we love them. I don't see Valentines as just a day for lovers. Speaking of lovers, my husband and I have been married long enough now that being creative is getting a little tough! This year we decided we were going to get matching jammies. we looked and looked and finally settled on ones from Old Navy. That was so much fun....to parade around in our matching jammies! [smile]

We started out our valentine day discussing our day. We had lost too much time the week before and stuff in the house just had to be done. While debating our schedule, we ate chocolate covered cherries (I love those!). Then I was off to take Kat's car in, and meet Shawna fand Shelly for breakfast. We had breakfast at Ihop and played valentine bingo while we waited. That promped an awful lot of playing with the conversation hearts. We made sentences for Kat who saved them to give to Jon...ok...so breakfast ended up being like 2 hours! LOL. Left there, ran an errand and came home.

Steve was already at work when I got here. I joined in, between cooking and getting ready for our evening. I made chocolate covered cherries and strawberries, and boiled shrimp. After hours of work on the house, Jon came in to surprise Kat with a candelight dinner of subway. Then they left. After they left, we took a shower and sat down to eat our shrimp, cheese and crackers, and strawberries. We had ordered Fireproof which came in earlier in the day. We watched that while we ate. It was such a strong movie, and we talked about doing the Love Dare together. We haven't been married too long to always be working on ways to improve our relationship.

It wasn't a day like I would of planned it to be, but it was such a good day. We spent it together working together, laughing together, and just being together. We had another opportunity to share our life and our love. Love isn't expressed just in quality of time, but in quantity of time. That I am very thankful for!

God Still Speaks

A few weeks back I had to teach in the Ladies Jail Ministry on short notice. I had no idea what I was going to teach, but got up that morning seeking direction. I could have not gone that day, but it was the last day for two weeks and did not want to leave them without any encouragement. God gave me a lesson on how He speaks.

It is hard to distinguish His voice from all the others that whisper, shout, sneak around the corner, or tap on my shoulder in any given day. I find that teaching Scripture truths speaks to me as I prepare it in probably a greater way than it does to those listening. God has really been speaking to me...and I have been really trying to listen.

My daughter is on an amazing ride right now. I have been praying for her for so long, as I have all my children. They start off my prayer list...my children by birth, those who have married into our family, and those who have become such a part of our lives that we count them among us. My heart lifts them up daily, and often hourly. To see God do the work in their lives I am crying out to Him for is an amazing thing. (I often fall into a deceived mentality that God is not listening and isn't working, but in truth, He is working, in His time, and in His way).

We sat, my daughter and I, chatting last night about her heart. God has revealed to her the necessity of giving up her life to Him, and letting Him direct and provide for her. He is proving He is able to do that in amazing ways...Jon has joined in with us, after much prayer for him and her. It is hard not to love Jon. He is faithful, full of laughter, comfortable being himself and letting everyone be themselves around him. We laugh so much when he is here, and I haven't heard Kat laugh this much in years and years and years. As amazing as that story is, the greater work is the work of the heart. Because she sees what God is doing for her and in her, she wants to share that with those she loves. She has a renewed burden for her friends and the direction of their lives. She sees for the first time, the struggles and burdens we have had for her in the direction she wanted to go. She understands the difference in real love for someone and the need for accountability in our lives.

God is speaking to her...He is speaking to me....as I listen, make decisions-even the hard ones-based on obedience to Him, He gives great peace and comfort. I had to make one of those unpopular decisions this week, and I know there will be repercussions from those who want me to do something different, but I am not here to please men...I am here to please God. The whole process made me think of the tshirt "I can only please one person today, and today is not your day." Today is God's Day...today, as He speaks, Lord, help me listen and obey!

What a Great Christmas!

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Moment of Gratitude

Sometimes I just sit and think, I wonder...about stuff...Many times that leads to discouragement, other times I am overwhelmed with gratitude.

This is a moment of gratitude. When we got the news Aunt Betty had passed away, there was no question we would go and be with our family and honor her memory. We knew how hard it would be for my father-in-law to say goodbye. His sister had been the glue that held the rest of the family together. She kept up with addresses and phone numbers, as well as the latest news. She leaves such a huge void. She was his only sister.

The trip down was a special blessing because we traveled with my father-in-law. We don't usually get that kind of time, so the time was absolutely precious. We stayed in the same hotel right next door, so that too gave us time with him. Once there we ran around to visit family and check in on everyone. What would be a trip to Florida without seeing Uncle Jack? (By the way his name is NOT Jack-I had been telling my husband that for years, but he didn't believe me.)

We saw him the night before the funeral and then spent the afternoon with him after the funeral. He told us stories, instructed us on how to solve a rubic's cube (yes, and he is 82), and proudly demonstrated how the player piano (the one he restored) works. (I videotaped that!) That was an amazing moment. How many 82 year old men rebuild pianos???

The whole trip was about family. Because it was, we spent alot of time pondering what it means to be part of something so big. I thought back to when my stepfather died two years ago. My mother married him because she had three kids to take care of and he was willing. He turned out to be an abusive perverted man. He subjected us to every imaginable type of abuse-not one of us got out unscathed. When he came to the end of his life, it wasn't about that anymore, all I cared about was his salvation...it didn't matter what he had done, what mattered was if he knew Jesus Christ died for him and he could have an eternity in heaven. I knew he was lost, and I knew I wasn't going to get another chance. I knew I had to forgive him and love him with the kind of love God loves me. I cried out to God the entire trip down. God in His mercy let me be the one to lead my stepfather to Christ. He died three days later. All of these thoughts led me to my brother.

My brother was rather upset with my mother some years ago. He pulled away from her, not giving her his address or phone number. His kids thought their grandmother was dead. It had been something like 5 years or so since my mom had even spoken to him, and then my stepfather lay on his deathbed. We contacted my brother, and he came. He came. He had enough character to lay everything aside and be there for my mom and for us. He stood right beside his siblings in the one moment we needed him to be there.

My stepsister had not really known her dad, and hadn't met any of us. Her mother took her from him when she was just a child. She didn't have any contact with him until she was a senior in high school. She is grown now, married, and has two kids. She came too. She got to see her dad the last days of his life, meet the rest of the family, and share in our moment of grief. She missed out having a dad her entire life, but in the end, she came. There is something about that. She came. He came. I applaud their character.

I saw my stepsister when we were back home. I always make it a point to try to connect with her when I am down. I have only known her for two years, but she is family, she is my sister, and I know her because she came. Our trip was hurried, but we were so blessed to spend a moment with all those that came. I am so full of gratitude this Thanksgiving season. There is no reason to dwell on what I don't have when what I do have is so great!

Precious Memories

I was amazed from the first time I met my husband's family. He grew up knowing his cousins, his aunts, all the extended family. He still tells stories of his childhood adventures. I remember when I first met any of his family. I was seventeen, a scraggly kid standing in front of Mommaw with soaking wet jeans because I had stayed out all night with my husband (not yet) at the beach. She didn't ask any questions, just gave me something to put on and washed my jeans. They loved me from the beginning.

His family was all about family. Not that his family was any more/less perfect than mine, because they have their fair share of misfits, skeletons in the closet and the such, but then....what family doesn't? We consist of people, people come with quirks...but a family is where you learn to love unconditionally, not for gain, not because people are who you think they should be, or say and do what is right to you, but just because that is where God planted you. This family I was born into and the one I married into is exactly where God wanted me to be. When I married my husband, I got his entire family; when he married me, he got mine. (hmm....who got the better deal????)

This week our family suffered a great loss. My father-in-law's sister passed away into eternity. We have shared our lives with her-she has impacted our life. We have witnessed her growth, and she took part in ours. I think back over all these precious moments we have shared as a family, and know that we are who we are because of every one of those moments. My children are the people they are because of the family they are part of. They can't take credit for molding themselves anymore than I can take credit for building my own life. I didn't do that-God did that, and He did that through our family.

Said I wasn't going to post to this site anymore, but I have had so many comments, so many people encouraging me that I just couldn't help myself. There is so much to share...so much to say...so many opportunities to love...just can't pass one up.

Yesterday was another one of those opportunities. We drove over to East Texas to visit with my in laws who we affectionately call "Ma" and "Pa." When that side of the family gets together, there is always music. Ma can pick and sing like nobody's business-Kat has her love for music. This time they encouraged Kat to join in, and we all did. It was precious remembering, singing, and yes, praising...Our family is hurting right now, but that pain has a lesser sting because we know where our loved one is today, and we can call up all those precious memories!

Nearing Half Way

My birthday is right around the corner, and as that day closes in, I am reminded of how much of my life has already been lived...wonder how much more there is to go? My husband and I talk alot about what is going on in the world around us, in our immediate family, situations which arise and need "analyzing," and just where we have been and where we are going. He has always been my greatest fan, but also my balance.

I spend what leisure time I have reading...I am always on the lookout for books that have the potential to change my thinking-bring life into perspective. After all there is always someone who has experienced what I have, and there really is nothing new under the sun. I just finished reading about grace and have picked up one by the Pearl family called Jumping Ship. The book is about kids raised in Christian homes who jump ship ie...leave their families and faith. Interestingly enough, I read a statistic just recently that stated 70% of Christian kids abandon their faith after attending secular colleges. We have witnessed the truth of that statement way too many times now. That is why my daughter, who does attend a secular college, is remaining at home with her friends and family around her to hold her accountable to truth.

The book-which I am already half way done with-brings many things to light, one of which really hits home with me. In our attempt to protect our kids from the ugliness of the world we live in, we did not adequately provide them with the tools to deal with that world. I didn't share with them what all had happened to me, because I wanted to protect their innocence, and I was afraid of what they would think of me. That lack of preparation leads to curiosity and vulnerability to what is being said outside our faith community. I am guilty of not sharing truth with them. I was so afraid for my kids...I so wanted them to have freedom to grow up and explore life without the peer pressure...I so wanted my kids to be innocent and just kids...and they were...till they became adult age, and then I couldn't protect them anymore.

I hate the idea of being a statistic....from my earliest days I can remember turning my rebellion against the "norm" to fight NOT to be a statistic. I thought maybe that fight was inherent, but now I wonder if God didn't give me what I needed to survive my life. I wouldn't have survived without that inner fight...I would have succumbed to the craziness that enveloped my life and thinking. I don't even know how I got from there to here, except by God's grace. I fought for my marriage, I fought for my education, I fight against the inevitable crippling affects of arthritis, I fight daily to live a life of faith...and so far I have beat the odds. I am not a statistic. I am still married after 25 years. I was the first in my family history to get a bachelor's degree, and so far I am not crippled, but living a life of faith-much harder. Resolve won't get me there, only grace, only God's provision. And...looking back-none of it was about my ability, my strength, my resolve, it was ALL about God's grace or I too would be a statistic.

My life is about half over. I can't undo anything in the first half. I can't raise my kids differently. If I could, I would do some things much differently, others, I would do just the same. We did many things wrong-the downside of being imperfect and not having all the answers. We also did many things right. Hindsight really is 20/20. We can learn from where we have been and not go there anymore...so as I embark on the rest of my life-looking back just for a sec to remember-I am going to spend the years ahead of me looking forward, praying more, trusting more in Christ and less in me, growing in grace, searching for His will and living it!

Reflection

I was doing my devotions yesterday and flipped to the back of my Bible. I have this really cool Cambridge that has lined paper in the back! :) I have had this Bible a few years now which means there are lots of sermons, prayers, and journal entries in the back. Sometimes it does me good to see where I have been, where my heart has been, what mattered to me at particular times of my life. My prayers have been pretty consistent-usually about my children. As I read through some of those, I was amazed at what God has done these past years in His provision for us, and wept over the unanswered prayer in my childrens' lives. Of course, I know, there is no unanswered prayer, but those have yet to be answered (that is what I meant!). Daniel is still estranged from the family, Kat is still struggling, Rob...he actually is an answered prayer. That I am very thankful for. I am thankful for a relationship with Gabrielle and the knowledge they are both growing in the right direction! It goes without saying that we are deeply thankful for Aaron and the opportunity to share in his life!

Last night as I was talking to a friend and sharing with her that my prayer for our children has always been obedient hearts and willing spirits. From the time they were just infants I began to pray that. Yesterday, I was talking (almost yelling at) to Katherine and telling her how I see this present conflict (not a new one, just an ongoing one) in our lives; towards the end of that I reminded her that love and obedience go together. God says if we love Him, we will keep His commandments. That truth extends so much deeper than the surface obedience...it is a reflection of my trust and faith in Him. Obedience in children to their parents is the same reflection and is just preparation for obedience to Christ. My children's lack of obedience from the heart hinders them from also listening and obeying God's call on their life.

I say all that to say...as I considered all of the above, I realized my prayer for them has been like praying for patience. Patience doesn't come cheap...it comes through trials. Obedience and a willing heart doesn't come cheap either. I have wanted it to just happen...I pray...God answers...poof...obedient hearts and willing spirits. Nope...it has more like an extreme game of tug-of-war...my kids pulling against our authority to pursue what they want, while we are tugging on one end just trying to hold on to them, no doubt Satan has an end, and he is tugging with all the wiles in his arsenal, and then of course God who is tugging (ever so quietly) in a whisper of the corner of their heart calling them to trust and obey.

My- if we...and they...could see the big picture. If we could quit holding on to the fake pearls when God has the genuine. How my heart aches for what I could have had all these years in Christ had I of just obeyed and trusted Him...and how my heart aches for my children...I so want them to experience all the glory and goodness Christ has in store for them....if they will just surrender their heart to obedience to Him.

Stop and Smell the Roses

Every once in awhile, not often enough for sure, we stop just because. The American Rose Center in Greenwood, LA hosted a fall moonlight stroll through the gardens this past Friday night. We hadn't been out there in years, so decided to take the night off, go to dinner and out to the garden. It was very quiet and serene. Amazingly enough...there were still roses on some of the bushes! We did stop and smell them!


We took a few pix, walked hand in hand, had a complimentary glass of soda (wine was offered, but.....), listened to the mini orchestra playing under one of the gazebos, and talked about just stuff! Empty nest...not quite...but...don't think we are going to have a big problem with the syndrome...maybe...have had some time to kind of ease into it! Sure do like being able to stop and smell the roses!

Sweet Assurance

Sometimes the efforts of my life, trying to live my life in Christ in the midst of life situations and endless criticism, seems futile. There have been more moments than I would like to admit that failure seemed imminent, and I just wanted to throw my hands up and quit. One such "falling" down moment resulted in me going through my house and throwing away every Scripture posted above every door, putting away every Christian magnet on the frig, and refusing to go to church. That faith struggle was a rough one, but God challenged me with a simple phrase from my pastor, "A faith not tried is a faith that can't be trusted." It seems like every moment of my life the past four or five years has been a trying of my faith to see if it could indeed be tested. These moments have changed my perspective on what faith is.

Yesterday, Kat came walking in the house, put down a few groceries, and walked back out all the while talking on the phone. I walked through and heard her encouraging her friend in Christ, and then...praying over the phone with her friend. That touched my heart in such a remarkable way-she has heard me do that a thousand times. Her and I have prayed together over the phone. I don't know hardly anyone that stops and does that, yet it is so powerful...to just stop...pray with someone, over someone..not to say, "I will pray for you." Not saying...doing then, right at the time that person needs it!

She was talking to me a bit later about the situation-one she could relate to and understood-God was using her and her life struggles to encourage someone else to turn to Christ in their need! Awesome hardly describes the amazement I felt hearing her speak. God, at that moment, gave me sweet assurance that He is indeed working through me and teaching my daughter to live her life in the power of His Word!

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Fear and Faith

Last week I taught my Sunday School girls on "fear" from the life of David, this week we are discussing "faith" also from the life of David. I have always known that you learn by teaching because obviously you have to study to teach....as I am studying these two things and connecting them in my own heart (in order to connect them for the girls), God is convicting me of how guilty I am. I have lived so much of my life in fear and have failed so much of the time to live in faith.

Todd is such a good guy, and he has been really good for Katie, but I have had the hardest time giving my heart away this round. Jumping in has always been so easy for me. Being hurt, struggling with the situations of my own life, and then there is my family, my kids, and extended family members..giving and being taken advantage of....that being "used" feeling which always shuts me down... all of that has left "fear" in its wake.

Todd took Kat out for her birthday Friday night. (I took the first picture I have taken of them, because I was hesitating accepting them as a couple) I was good up until I had calculated about when the dinner and movie should be done, and she wasn't home yet. Fear crept in and panic started to bubble up to the service. Instincts said "text" and find out where she is, but reason said "be patient." I prayed instead for their safety, and she of course returned home safe and sound. Some areas of my life are incredibly difficult for me to let go and let God-my kids are way at the top of that list. They are all grown now, but it isn't any easier not to "fear," for them, even though I know God's got this. "Faith" believing in the promises of God's Word that I have yet to see. What kind of faith is it when I have to see to believe? It isn't of course. Praying.....and trying to trust...

2 Timothy 1:7 "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

Mission Accomplished

The coulottes were certainly a success...in that we finished them on time, and most of them fit. Of all that we sewed, only three pairs need to be redone! That was such a blessing and a testimony that God was in that. No way could we have done that on our own!

It was a week of Spiritual battes though. I struggled with where Kat is in her life, and once again I was faced with the reality that people seek their own, not the welfare of others. It seems as if everywhere I turn, I have to deal with that reality...has it always been that way, or is it a testimony of the sin sick world we live in!? I keep trying to keep my feet under me, because I know with every Spiritual victory, a mountain, there is also a valley. I hit the valley way sooner than I was prepared for. I was on such a high from the week before, all the opportunities God had opened for us to share and give to someone else, not the giving so much, but the amazing truth that you can't outgive God that was also being showered on us. Then I hit the point where I needed someone to commit to me just because they cared, and I was once again disappointed. Doing something out of love and doing something out of obligation are not the same thing. That truth goes beyond physical life, and challenges my heart to serve my Lord and others not because I have to or am obligated, but because Jesus love me, and I love Him. It sure seems like it would get easier to remember that, but being a "Martha" hinders me when I so want to be a "Mary."

I am so thankful for my husband. He is indeed a covering for me. He holds me when I cry, listens to me when I am unreasonable, brings balance into my life, and lightens my burdens. How God must have known when He gave him to me, and how I need to listen to him so much more than I do.

Mission Conference

We just wrapped up or church's primary mission conference under our new pastor. It was quite different from previous years (which was to be expected), but it was just awesome. God really challenged my heart through the music, interaction, and messages. I wanted to go to every place presented! Our pastor spoke last night. His challenge to us was to love our Lord in such a way that we were faithful in our own personal mission field. We have neighbors who need to be reached. I need prayer on how to reach them.

Today, the Monday after, I am absolutely exhausted! I am not sure if it is more physical, emotional, or Spiritual. There was so much going on in one week...who knows! I needed to hit the ground running today, but it sure didn't happen. I am too tired to move that fast!

Saturday, I took my Praxis: Math Content. I prayed myself to sleep Friday night, got up Sat. morning, ate protein, did devotions, and reviewed for a minute. I was so nervous. I got there and had to wait for about 45 minutes. It was incredibly challenging; there was virtually nothing on it that I have ever taught or likely to. The questions were more theoretical, thought provoking, than just punch in a calculator do the Algebra kind of thing. By question #37, I was mentally whipped and wanted to quit-13 questions to do and 30 minutes left to do them in. After a short pep talk with myself and a prayer for help, "Lord, which of these problems can I do?" "Lord, which of these answers is correct?" I figured He knew, because I sure didn't! I kept plugging away and did my best to finish. Now I have to wait 4 weeks to see if I made the cutoff score. There was a disclaimer on the back which said not all questions may be counted-sure hoping those are the ones I had to guess "C."

Not much got done on the house last week, and I am feeling overwhelmed by that. We have only managed to get two quads of tiles down, bummer. I have some little things I can work on, but tile really needs to go in. We thought we could do it in pieces...mixed the thin set...bought a big bucket to store the left over in...set our first quad...and wanted to wait to see how it did. Next day, opened up the bucket to work on the next quad--thin set completely solid! Zug! New idea-buy the premixed stuff...it doesn't dry out like that, and Steve did get another quad set, but..it is taking forever to harden. It has been drying for two days and still not solid. Hmmm....need a new plan!

Katherine and I are sewing this week for SCA. We really wrestled with it, but how could we refuse. Girls need coulottes-not one of those things you can just run buy! Somehow-God's grace I am sure-her and I have to get about 20 pairs done in just over a week. It would already be challenging, but we have to start from scratch on the pattern. We weren't able to get the pattern we loaned out back. I searched for another similar one, and think I found one, but it has to be altered. That too would not be that big of deal; however, a friend altered the last one for me; I didn't pay attention, and she is no longer available! Kat and I both are working today, so in between-going to SCA to get initial measurements; After work I am going to get fabric, and then her and I are going to get started cutting. In between the sew moments, gonna try to get a few things done on the house. Really hoped to be in phase two by the first of December...still a long way from that! Alright...we will get it done...because God knows our hearts, and He knows the needs.
I'm off-not running-but moving!

Not a Youth Anymore

"We do not stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing."

The call in topic on the radio yesterday was growing old. Someone was having a "40" birthday. That one has already come and gone here...it really wasn't that big of a deal..really...in Bible days, 40 was the age that middle age began. You were considered a youth until the age of 40. 40-60 is the middle ages, and then 60 is a transition into older "wiser" adulthood. I liked being a youth until age 40, but really, having a childlike faith, a childlike innocence, a childlike outlook on life is something to aspire to at any age. Innocence is gone way too early in the days we live in. Our ability to see the beauty and wonder of life is stolen away long before we reach the end of our youth. Being able to laugh, to play, to see wonder and beauty in God's creation, to love through His eyes and in His power are certainly factors in maintaining a youthful heart (at least in my opinion). On the other side of the coin is the idea of growing old gracefully. One of the callers on the radio was discussing wrinkles, other affects of aging, and the privilege it is to grow old-Not everyone gets that opportunity. Many die before they experience the affects of aging. This caller's brother died in his 30's, in the days of his youth.

It has been a busy week this week-we are in our mission conference. Kat had an appointment in Arkansas, and I have to take my Praxis tomorrow morning. In the middle of all that, God has burdened my heart for several people. I don't always listen when God speaks, but this time, my heart was so heavy, not to respond would have been way too much to carry. I made some calls, made some visits, prayed, and set aside my life for others. Doing that has given me such a boost. I have felt so alive this week! My devotions were on the power and action of grace. Real grace, an understanding of what God has done and given to us is lived out in service to others. I don't serve naturally; it is a work of grace; it is an answer to prayer. I have asked God to make me a see-through-servant so that all anyone sees is Jesus, but sometimes I get jealous when I don't get the recognition I think I deserve. Too much of the time, "I" get in the way, but this week, I have stepped back and let God have His way! It has been such a powerful week-to see God and experience Him working in peoples' lives. No words describe it except AWESOME!

Last night the physical demands did catch up to me. The arthritis kicked in and started acting up; I couldn't use my right arm. My wrist started swelling, my fingers were stuck, it ached all the way up to my elbow, and I had absolutely no strength in my hand. It still hurt this morning when I got up. I was quickly reminded that the body doesn't live forever-it has limitations-it is aging and wearing out. I am also reminded that life is good, but eternal life is better! Being active, sharing my life, playing a little with my friends and family does indeed make me feel more like a youth and less "middle aged." Who knows how much more time any of us have, but I do know God is busy all around me, and it is sure a privilege to join Him in the work He is doing!

I'm Gonna Miss This

Katherine and I went to Arkansas yesterday for her arthritis checkup. We go about every four or five months on this little road trip. Her and I have had the opportunity to take several road trips together. They are sweet times for us to get to know each other a little better and talk about stuff in our lives. I love those moments when it is just her and I. She channel surfs when she is driving which really annoys me, but also brings us to hysterical laughter quite often. Yesterday, we stumbled across songs which we turned up really loud and sang at the top of our lungs, songs which brought back funny, and sad, memories, songs which made us stop and ponder. Trace Adkins "You're Gonna Miss This" is one of those songs that really challenges me to reflect on how quickly life goes by. I miss the early days of our marriage, when our kids were tiny, demanding, fighting, running around all hours of the day and night, exploring, learning, and just experiencing the newness of life. They were in such a hurry to grow up, and at times I was in a hurry too, but...I miss those days. I look at Kat, who is so in a hurry to grow up, so in a hurry to find the right guy, get married, settle down with her own life, and I want to say with Adkins..Baby, just slow down, you are gonna miss this. These are some good times, and I know I am gonna miss this too!


She was starin out the window of their SUV
Complainin sayin I can't wait to turn 18
She said I'll make my own money
And I'll make my own rules
Momma put the car in park out there
in front of the school
And she kissed her head, and said 'I was just like you'

You're gonna' miss this
You're gonna' want this back
You're gonna' wish these days
Hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna' miss this

Before she knows it she's a brand new bride
In her one bedroom apartment And her daddy stops by
He tells her it's a nice place
She says, 'It'll do for now'
Starts talkin' about babies, and buyin a house
Daddy shakes his head And says baby just slow down

Cuz' you're gonna' miss this
You're gonna' want this back
You're gonna' wish these days Hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna' miss this

Five years later there's a plumber
Workin' on the water heater
Dog's barkin', phone's ringin'
One kid's cryin' one kid's screamin'
And she keeps apologizin'
But he says they don't bother me
I've got two babies of my own
One's thirty- six, one's twenty- three
Huh, it's hard to believe

But you're gonna' miss this
You're gonna' want this back
You're gonna' wish these days
Hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna' miss this
You're gonna' miss this
Yeaahhhh... you're gonna' miss this...

Jesus Whispers Sweet and Low

There's within my heart a melody...Jesus whispers sweet and low...Alex had to choose an enrichment class this year. He got three choices. His first choice was art, second computer, third piano. He registered for classes the week before school started (no fault of his own), but that means you usually don't get your first choice. We were of course thrilled he got piano-him-not so much. We encouraged him in that Katherine could help him and we had a full weighted keyboard he could practice on!

Katherine started taking piano on Sept. 11, 2001 (really). Alex has always loved Katherine which gives her an open door with him. Well...to make a long story short...we haven't had the keyboard in the house since the flood. Alex was getting impatient and attempted to set it up in the shed which resulted in him getting a tongue lashing from every imaginable angle. (He picked it up by himself, dug out the cables and amp, and was trying to hook it up when he got caught-it is very heavy and quite fragile) His very life hung in the balance when his favorite cousin found out what he had done! She did regroup however, as did Steve, and we brought the keyboard in the house.

Katherine dusted it off, hooked everything up, and started to play. Piano music hasn't filled the house in over five months....it was sweet to hear it again. She played a bit, and instructed Alex who got to show off what he had been learning in piano class. Turns out he is learning from the same books she stared with except for the junior hymn book (she had a private Christian instructor; he goes to public school). She went and dug the hymn book out and started teaching him a song from that book. She told him she wanted him to practice from that one too. How precious!

He sits by me in church which gives me a birds-eye-view of how he is responding to the sermons. Our pastor is awesome...and Alex is listening. Last night was the first night he wanted to look up verses and read them. He sure has moments, but the seed is being planted, and we are praying for it to also be watered and bring forth fruit! How powerful music is in communicating....how sweet it is that Jesus whispers to our heart!

Improvising

Nothing like a natural disaster to bring out the creativity hidden inside of us...Katherine is no exception! She has spent the last several months without a bedroom. She sleeps on an air mattress in the living room (not much privacy and certainly not quiet!). She decided a week or so ago that she wanted to make her "bed" up with her new bedding...creature comforts. Last week, she got a little more creative. We had already hooked up a tv and dvd player in there and set it on an end table. She went a step further; she found her satellite receiver and hooked it up. She ran the cables under the wall (no baseboards yet) between the living room and her room and hooked it up to the tv. She didn't feel good this Saturday so she spent most of the day cuddled up in her "bed" in her "bedroom" watching tv! We are working on what we call the office (a guest room) attempting to get it done. We are down to doors, floors and trim in there. (New windows going in today-guys are here removing the old ones). Prayerfully this week it will be done (although we are tiling and haven't done that before), and she can move in there. Ya think she will miss her old room????

Drama

Is everyone's life filled with drama or is it just mine? I was talking to my brother last week and he laughed. He said it is always something over there...and it is. He was referring to Katherine wrecking her car, all that goes with that, and then...she blew a plug in the living room, leaving us in a brown out. So Friday, I kept Caitlyn who would not sleep all day. If Doreen hadn't of been here to relieve me, I would have gotten absolutely nothing done except hold her. I did manage to squeeze in a load of laundry, sweep a floor, study a bit, and make lunch. It took me all day to get dressed and brush my teeth! Wow...forgot how much time it takes to take care of an infant! After Tonia picked Caitlyn up, I went right to work on my Praxis. I studied that till dinner, went to dinner at Saltgrass (Texas steakhouse right here in Louisiana), and walked around the boardwalk for a bit, mostly so Steve and Todd could have man to man time (that was at Katherine's request). Katherine and Todd are now official...she is of course beaming ( I really hope this is a case of third times a charm and not three strikes your are out!) After the walk and talk, we came home, and I again went to work on my Praxis. I was getting pretty excited, thought maybe, just maybe I could pass it...then...it was cancelled due to the hurricane. Wow...bitter sweet...all those hours put in to prepare for it...I do have more time to learn all those formulas and how to operate this fancy smancy calculator which will do everything but the dishes! Hurricane winds and rain swept through leaving a wake of pecan branches and debris all over the place, but we did not flood and did not lose power (except for our little brown out adventure!) Yea...and all that drama only covers one week in the life of the Ward family!