Moment of Gratitude

Sometimes I just sit and think, I wonder...about stuff...Many times that leads to discouragement, other times I am overwhelmed with gratitude.

This is a moment of gratitude. When we got the news Aunt Betty had passed away, there was no question we would go and be with our family and honor her memory. We knew how hard it would be for my father-in-law to say goodbye. His sister had been the glue that held the rest of the family together. She kept up with addresses and phone numbers, as well as the latest news. She leaves such a huge void. She was his only sister.

The trip down was a special blessing because we traveled with my father-in-law. We don't usually get that kind of time, so the time was absolutely precious. We stayed in the same hotel right next door, so that too gave us time with him. Once there we ran around to visit family and check in on everyone. What would be a trip to Florida without seeing Uncle Jack? (By the way his name is NOT Jack-I had been telling my husband that for years, but he didn't believe me.)

We saw him the night before the funeral and then spent the afternoon with him after the funeral. He told us stories, instructed us on how to solve a rubic's cube (yes, and he is 82), and proudly demonstrated how the player piano (the one he restored) works. (I videotaped that!) That was an amazing moment. How many 82 year old men rebuild pianos???

The whole trip was about family. Because it was, we spent alot of time pondering what it means to be part of something so big. I thought back to when my stepfather died two years ago. My mother married him because she had three kids to take care of and he was willing. He turned out to be an abusive perverted man. He subjected us to every imaginable type of abuse-not one of us got out unscathed. When he came to the end of his life, it wasn't about that anymore, all I cared about was his salvation...it didn't matter what he had done, what mattered was if he knew Jesus Christ died for him and he could have an eternity in heaven. I knew he was lost, and I knew I wasn't going to get another chance. I knew I had to forgive him and love him with the kind of love God loves me. I cried out to God the entire trip down. God in His mercy let me be the one to lead my stepfather to Christ. He died three days later. All of these thoughts led me to my brother.

My brother was rather upset with my mother some years ago. He pulled away from her, not giving her his address or phone number. His kids thought their grandmother was dead. It had been something like 5 years or so since my mom had even spoken to him, and then my stepfather lay on his deathbed. We contacted my brother, and he came. He came. He had enough character to lay everything aside and be there for my mom and for us. He stood right beside his siblings in the one moment we needed him to be there.

My stepsister had not really known her dad, and hadn't met any of us. Her mother took her from him when she was just a child. She didn't have any contact with him until she was a senior in high school. She is grown now, married, and has two kids. She came too. She got to see her dad the last days of his life, meet the rest of the family, and share in our moment of grief. She missed out having a dad her entire life, but in the end, she came. There is something about that. She came. He came. I applaud their character.

I saw my stepsister when we were back home. I always make it a point to try to connect with her when I am down. I have only known her for two years, but she is family, she is my sister, and I know her because she came. Our trip was hurried, but we were so blessed to spend a moment with all those that came. I am so full of gratitude this Thanksgiving season. There is no reason to dwell on what I don't have when what I do have is so great!

Precious Memories

I was amazed from the first time I met my husband's family. He grew up knowing his cousins, his aunts, all the extended family. He still tells stories of his childhood adventures. I remember when I first met any of his family. I was seventeen, a scraggly kid standing in front of Mommaw with soaking wet jeans because I had stayed out all night with my husband (not yet) at the beach. She didn't ask any questions, just gave me something to put on and washed my jeans. They loved me from the beginning.

His family was all about family. Not that his family was any more/less perfect than mine, because they have their fair share of misfits, skeletons in the closet and the such, but then....what family doesn't? We consist of people, people come with quirks...but a family is where you learn to love unconditionally, not for gain, not because people are who you think they should be, or say and do what is right to you, but just because that is where God planted you. This family I was born into and the one I married into is exactly where God wanted me to be. When I married my husband, I got his entire family; when he married me, he got mine. (hmm....who got the better deal????)

This week our family suffered a great loss. My father-in-law's sister passed away into eternity. We have shared our lives with her-she has impacted our life. We have witnessed her growth, and she took part in ours. I think back over all these precious moments we have shared as a family, and know that we are who we are because of every one of those moments. My children are the people they are because of the family they are part of. They can't take credit for molding themselves anymore than I can take credit for building my own life. I didn't do that-God did that, and He did that through our family.

Said I wasn't going to post to this site anymore, but I have had so many comments, so many people encouraging me that I just couldn't help myself. There is so much to share...so much to say...so many opportunities to love...just can't pass one up.

Yesterday was another one of those opportunities. We drove over to East Texas to visit with my in laws who we affectionately call "Ma" and "Pa." When that side of the family gets together, there is always music. Ma can pick and sing like nobody's business-Kat has her love for music. This time they encouraged Kat to join in, and we all did. It was precious remembering, singing, and yes, praising...Our family is hurting right now, but that pain has a lesser sting because we know where our loved one is today, and we can call up all those precious memories!

Progress not Perfection

Everything can't be perfect, especially when we are discussing an old house. It comes the way it is, and apart from tearing it down and starting from scratch, it is what it is. We are working with those imperfections...lost of wood putty, lots of caulk...and too much mud to even mention!

We may never have perfect, but the progress we are making on this house is encouraging...Isn't living about progress? We will never be perfect...I am not perfect...and neither is my old house!

Big Gainer?

Here it is...the long awaited...STRATEGIES FOR GAINING WEIGHT! When I first saw this, I absolutely cracked up....don't know too many people who need to gain weight. I read through the techniques and amazingly enough, the reverse is true for those of us who want to lose instead of gain!

To Gain: Eat frequently, eat larger, add lots of extras, eat higher calories, drink high calorie beverages instead of water and coffee, maintain exercise (well except for that one which is apparently needed for both losing and gaining....)

Nearing Half Way

My birthday is right around the corner, and as that day closes in, I am reminded of how much of my life has already been lived...wonder how much more there is to go? My husband and I talk alot about what is going on in the world around us, in our immediate family, situations which arise and need "analyzing," and just where we have been and where we are going. He has always been my greatest fan, but also my balance.

I spend what leisure time I have reading...I am always on the lookout for books that have the potential to change my thinking-bring life into perspective. After all there is always someone who has experienced what I have, and there really is nothing new under the sun. I just finished reading about grace and have picked up one by the Pearl family called Jumping Ship. The book is about kids raised in Christian homes who jump ship ie...leave their families and faith. Interestingly enough, I read a statistic just recently that stated 70% of Christian kids abandon their faith after attending secular colleges. We have witnessed the truth of that statement way too many times now. That is why my daughter, who does attend a secular college, is remaining at home with her friends and family around her to hold her accountable to truth.

The book-which I am already half way done with-brings many things to light, one of which really hits home with me. In our attempt to protect our kids from the ugliness of the world we live in, we did not adequately provide them with the tools to deal with that world. I didn't share with them what all had happened to me, because I wanted to protect their innocence, and I was afraid of what they would think of me. That lack of preparation leads to curiosity and vulnerability to what is being said outside our faith community. I am guilty of not sharing truth with them. I was so afraid for my kids...I so wanted them to have freedom to grow up and explore life without the peer pressure...I so wanted my kids to be innocent and just kids...and they were...till they became adult age, and then I couldn't protect them anymore.

I hate the idea of being a statistic....from my earliest days I can remember turning my rebellion against the "norm" to fight NOT to be a statistic. I thought maybe that fight was inherent, but now I wonder if God didn't give me what I needed to survive my life. I wouldn't have survived without that inner fight...I would have succumbed to the craziness that enveloped my life and thinking. I don't even know how I got from there to here, except by God's grace. I fought for my marriage, I fought for my education, I fight against the inevitable crippling affects of arthritis, I fight daily to live a life of faith...and so far I have beat the odds. I am not a statistic. I am still married after 25 years. I was the first in my family history to get a bachelor's degree, and so far I am not crippled, but living a life of faith-much harder. Resolve won't get me there, only grace, only God's provision. And...looking back-none of it was about my ability, my strength, my resolve, it was ALL about God's grace or I too would be a statistic.

My life is about half over. I can't undo anything in the first half. I can't raise my kids differently. If I could, I would do some things much differently, others, I would do just the same. We did many things wrong-the downside of being imperfect and not having all the answers. We also did many things right. Hindsight really is 20/20. We can learn from where we have been and not go there anymore...so as I embark on the rest of my life-looking back just for a sec to remember-I am going to spend the years ahead of me looking forward, praying more, trusting more in Christ and less in me, growing in grace, searching for His will and living it!

I'm Loving It...

I was sitting in church yesterday morning, between my husband and daughter, listening to our pastor and thinking about how different life is now. Our pastor preached on the mission of our church which boiled down to edifying families and reaching the lost. He always references Scripture to Scripture, rarely quoting commentaries and the such. Our time with him has been incredibly challenging. I am loving my church, my church family, my pastor, and mostly my Christ! I felt like singing the McD's jingle....buh buh bump, bump, buh...I'm Loving it! It has certainly been quite awhile since I could say that!

We never hear a message that doesn't leave us in thought...considering...where we are and where we should be going. He [our pastor] made a comment that really stuck with me-We can't remain neutral. We are on one side or the other, Christianity is not a neutral activity, although it would seem that some think so. We are either following Christ or following the world-can't stand still and can't choose both!

Every part of my day yesterday was filled with God's amazing presence. I had some time with my brother and sister-in-law, time to study my Bible, time to listen and be taught, time to minister to others, and just time....time to live my life in Christ. Another moment, another day, another opportunity...and time is short! I have never been fully convinced of the truth that Jesus Christ is going to return again in my lifetime...thought we would live and die like generations before us. The whole idea that Christ is returning seemed more like a Sci-Fi movie! My soul is bubbling over....I am so excited...but, I am seeing the multitudes of lost around me that need to be reached and how... Lord, here I am, send me!

What's in a name?

I woke up this morning swimming in thoughts...usually that is the case on Sunday, because I am getting ready for Sunday School. I am not teaching this Sunday, but nonetheless...thoughts dancing around. I was thinking about "grace" which led down a bunch of other roads...one was peoples' names. I always find it interesting how and why people name their kids what they do.

My name is quite unusual which meant growing up no one could pronounce it, teachers stumbled over it, getting called over intercoms was confusing, and forget finding it printed on anything! I asked my parents about it and the only thing they agree on is that it is indian (as in American indian). My dad says it means morning star, mom says it means running water...I am going with morning star! LOL

Anyway...when it came time for me to name my own children, my own experiences definitely weighed that decision. I wanted names which could easily be pronounced and spelled, names which were definitely boy or girl (didn't want any one looking at a roll and not knowing), and which carried a specific meaning...out came the baby name book!

I have three children. The oldest has a name which means "God is judge," the middle one "illustrious one," and the youngest "pure." Do we grow into our names? It seems that people do for the most part, at least I hope so, in most cases! Then I wonder about parents who name their children things like: Hope, Faith, Charity, Prudence, Grace, Christian....significant Christian names with powerful meanings...Does a child with a name like "Grace" grow into the definition thereof: According to Strong's Concordance comes from a root word which means "to bend or stoop in kindness to an inferior, to favor, to bestow." In John 1:17 it means graciousness of manner or act especially the divine influence upon the heart and its reflection in the life." Hmmm....

Consider Charity- God's divine love, agape love, unconditional love...or Faith-comes from a word which means credence and in Matthew 9:22 means "moral conviction of the truthfulness of God, especially reliance upon Christ for salvation."

Will these children come to understand their names and live it? Will mine? Will mine grow into an understanding of theirs, God is the judge, a righteous judge, illustrious-lighting up the world with truth, and purity of heart and life? Well if mine means "morning star," I haven't grown into yet, because I am certainly not shining bright early in the morning!

Martha, Mary, Lazarus?

Me..I am the Martha, but I have always wanted to be someone or something else. At times I am glad to be the doing one, but other times, I really want to be the one center stage, or the one sitting at the feet of Jesus. The truth: Not always living content with who Christ created me to be, want more, more, more! Once again..Jesus addresses my heart need in such a still small voice...but He spoke to me...this time through another online devotion I get, but rarely read. After I hit the "encouraging word" from Klove, I opened "Upwords with Max Lucado." Today it was on Mary, Martha, and Lazarus.

"God gave Martha a bass drum of service. God gave Mary a flute for praise. And God gave Lazarus a trumpet. And he stood on center stage and played it.

God still gives trumpets. God still calls people from the pits. God still gives pinch-me-I'm-dreaming, too-good-to-be-true testimonies. But not everyone has a dramatic testimony. Who wants a band full of trumpets?

Some convert the lost. Some encourage the saved. And some keep the movement in step. All are needed." (From Cast of Characters© Thomas Nelson Publishers, 2008, Max Lucado Now Available)

http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/upwords/

I needed that....don't have to be a Mary or a Lazarus...I get to be who God wants me to be and I need to be content with that.

Lord, I Need Your Grace

I have been reading Lord, I Need Grace to Make It Today, by Kay Arthur. I am down to the last day. This book is one in a series of devotional style books by Kay Arthur. I plan to dive into a few more sometime in the near future.



Quoting her, "when you act on God's grace, when you trust God's purposes during trials, the reality of the grace of God spreads because others see the reality of Christ and His sufficiency in us" (Arthur, 196). *There is a purpose in trials; one of which is to magnify God's amazing grace! Throughout history Christians have endured incredible trials of faith making my trials seem so small and insignificant, but God knows who is watching and who needs to experience His grace!Lord, I so need your grace manifested in my life so that those, even those who are attempting to derail us, will only see you!

Take a peek at the book...it is a great book on the grace of God!

http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product?item_no=64417&event=CF

"And in nothing terrified by your adversaries: which is to them an evident token of perdition, but to you of salvation, and that of God. For unto you it is given in the behalf of Christ, not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for his sake;" Philippians 1:28-29

Must Be Doing Something Right

Sometimes God just gives me a really noticeable "amen." With all the chaos and conflicts of this past year, including the ones we are engaged in right now and...Katherine's health issues, it is hard at times to trust that God is at work. I have really had lots of moments where Jesus could be saying to me, "Why are you kicking against the pricks?" I have wrestled in prayer, not sure anything was ever going to happen! The encouragement we have been getting, the Biblical counsel from our wise pastor and dear friends near and far has reminded us that we must be doing something right to be under such attack!

Icing on the cake today was a face to face encounter with what it looks like when someone is so angry because they can't get control...let me tell you...not pretty! We don't need control, not only of our life circumstances, but not of anyone else's either. We KNOW who holds the future!

I was sitting in church tonight listening to our pastor and rehearsing my year -a song came to mind (not Christian and absolutely unrelated except for one line)...must be doing something right...and suddenly a smile just had to escape! God knows where He wants us to be and I AM SO GLAD He does! I just had to go pray. I went to the altar-not so much to ask God for anything-but to praise Him and lay it at His feet...I was deep in my private sanctuary when I felt an arm around me. (I can't remember the last time I was praying at an altar and someone joined me!) What a blessing to be prayed over in such a way (thanx friend!).

I have such peace at this moment just because I know He is weeding and pruning...and with every cut, I get a little more confident in who He is! Woo Hoo...Yippee...I am on God's side...not kicking...not screaming...not pouting...God's got this!

Living a Life of Compromise

After last night's-searching for the right word-fiasco (not the right one, but strong enough), I open my email this morning and scan through it, landing on this devotion from Charles Stanley. How easy it is to compromise our values for the sake of peace, how many times we have found ourselves in that very place, and how we have wrestled with the idea of how to live our life according to the truth of God's Word AND peaceably with all men??? It becomes increasingly apparent that just isn't possible. Our values are going to be offensive to others, and although we do seek to let them live their lives with just a covering of prayer from us, they often force their values on us. Isn't that the way it is in our world? Christians are accused of trying to force our belief on everyone, but in reality it is the world forcing theirs on us while trying to silent us. The devotion encouraged and reminded me to to "walk in his [God's] ways" (Psalm 119:3b) and to "seek him with the whole heart." (Psalm 119:2b)

November 5, 2008
The Landmine of CompromisePsalm 119:1-8

Compromise injures a believer's spiritual life as surely as landmines wreak havoc upon the body. Our testimony is damaged or destroyed when we bend God's principles.

For example, suppose a young Christian woman meets an attractive man who doesn't share her beliefs. For years, she has known Paul's caution, "Do not be bound together with unbelievers" and recognizes the apostle's intention to protect Christians from worldly influences (2 Cor. 6:14). But she rationalizes that one date won't hurt her. Actually, she is probably right. However, a first date leads to a second and third and then to a relationship. He offers marriage, she accepts, and the bent principle becomes a broken rule.

To navigate a spiritual minefield, we must look a few steps ahead for possible danger. Even choices that seem trivial may have far-reaching consequences. But the Lord equips us with a "divine GPS" (God's Positioning System): the Holy Spirit sounds an alarm in our spirit if we veer into dangerous territory.
For us to hear these warnings, our heart must be tuned to the Holy Spirit's wavelength through Scripture study. Relying on our own understanding can lead to trouble. But those who trust the Lord and apply His principles will find straight paths through potentially explosive situations (Prov. 3:5-6).

The young woman in the above example knew Scripture and felt the Spirit's cautionary nudge, but she ignored it. For safe travel through this dangerous world, decide to obey His initial warning so you can steer clear of compromise.

In Touch with Dr. Charles Stanley
http://www.intouch.org/site/apps/nlnet/content.aspx?c=dhKHIXPKIuE&b=2336199&content_id={0C8662C3-B7F0-48C6-8D09-9003D70CEDCB}&notoc=1

Reflection

I was doing my devotions yesterday and flipped to the back of my Bible. I have this really cool Cambridge that has lined paper in the back! :) I have had this Bible a few years now which means there are lots of sermons, prayers, and journal entries in the back. Sometimes it does me good to see where I have been, where my heart has been, what mattered to me at particular times of my life. My prayers have been pretty consistent-usually about my children. As I read through some of those, I was amazed at what God has done these past years in His provision for us, and wept over the unanswered prayer in my childrens' lives. Of course, I know, there is no unanswered prayer, but those have yet to be answered (that is what I meant!). Daniel is still estranged from the family, Kat is still struggling, Rob...he actually is an answered prayer. That I am very thankful for. I am thankful for a relationship with Gabrielle and the knowledge they are both growing in the right direction! It goes without saying that we are deeply thankful for Aaron and the opportunity to share in his life!

Last night as I was talking to a friend and sharing with her that my prayer for our children has always been obedient hearts and willing spirits. From the time they were just infants I began to pray that. Yesterday, I was talking (almost yelling at) to Katherine and telling her how I see this present conflict (not a new one, just an ongoing one) in our lives; towards the end of that I reminded her that love and obedience go together. God says if we love Him, we will keep His commandments. That truth extends so much deeper than the surface obedience...it is a reflection of my trust and faith in Him. Obedience in children to their parents is the same reflection and is just preparation for obedience to Christ. My children's lack of obedience from the heart hinders them from also listening and obeying God's call on their life.

I say all that to say...as I considered all of the above, I realized my prayer for them has been like praying for patience. Patience doesn't come cheap...it comes through trials. Obedience and a willing heart doesn't come cheap either. I have wanted it to just happen...I pray...God answers...poof...obedient hearts and willing spirits. Nope...it has more like an extreme game of tug-of-war...my kids pulling against our authority to pursue what they want, while we are tugging on one end just trying to hold on to them, no doubt Satan has an end, and he is tugging with all the wiles in his arsenal, and then of course God who is tugging (ever so quietly) in a whisper of the corner of their heart calling them to trust and obey.

My- if we...and they...could see the big picture. If we could quit holding on to the fake pearls when God has the genuine. How my heart aches for what I could have had all these years in Christ had I of just obeyed and trusted Him...and how my heart aches for my children...I so want them to experience all the glory and goodness Christ has in store for them....if they will just surrender their heart to obedience to Him.