Boundaries

Read a book on the way to Florida. It was about dating and relationships. I read it because it was given to my daughter, and I wanted to know what it said before she read it. It was powerful. It applied to all relationships, not just the dating one. As a matter of fact, the author used an analogy about walls (go figure)! Walls can keep others out and be a bad thing, or they can set up a safety perimeter keeping everyone safe and living in peace.

So much of my life has revolved around other people. My husband and I bought this home three years ago, and in that time, we have had countless people living with us. I have considered it an honor to be able to share my home with those who God brings my way, but I haven't learned how to set boundaries. As a result, I get very frustrated and angry. I feel like adults should act like adults, and I am not their mother! That theory hasn't really worked out for me because more times than not, we become a hotel and get taken advantage of. We lose our autonomy as a family, and our finances are tapped disabling us from being able to take time for ourselves. We rarely go out other than to catch a bite to eat, don't take real vacations, or spend money on frivolous things. All the while, our boardees are out having a grand time because they have no responsibility. Hmmm??? There has been a definite pattern there.

New day, a little growth, and a new boardee. My sister and nephew are here. She is currently at my brothers being as we don't have rooms ready yet, but I know THIS time, I have to set boundaries. I have to be mature enough to sit down and work out with her the who's, what's, and so forth, so that we can live together in peace. Not sure when and where to draw those boundaries yet, but know it will have to happen soon.

I am off to a good start...made some positive choices for my marriage and family while we had some alone time in our hotel...did some Bible studying and talking about where we were at...worked out some ideas...and said "No" a few times (not to him mind you). Over the course of the weekend, my daughter grew in leaps and bounds...the difference in having good Spiritual guidance and accountability, and her and I had time to talk this morning about relationships. She is so much like me...believes in the good of people, hopes to make a difference, wants to be positive, and really has trouble with the "N" word. We are learning and growing together. She, being the young adult she is, and also sharing this house, will get to grow in setting boundaries through this experience too!