Anger

"Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil." Eph. 4: 26-27

I have been telling Katherine now for a year or so that she needs to learn to be honest in her relationships and set boundaries. She has such a heart to please that she lets people walk over her. She doesn't want to hurt feelings and she doesn't say no often enough! She is growing in that area, but I, on the other hand have been going backwards. I talk a good talk, but the walk...that is another story! People take advantage of me, use me, I get angry about it, but don't say anything until I absolutely can't take it anymore! I think I have spent most of my life angry, and not able to deal with it. I just sweep it under the rug, go on to something else, get busy with life, and think it is dealt with, then it resurfaces again. I read these passages in Ephesians, all about communication, and wonder just how to apply them. "....speak every man truth...let no corrupt communciation proceed out of your mouth...let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put awary from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." How do I speak the truth in such a way to not offend? How do I deal with conflicts in an honest way, but without malice and anger?

I have been thinking about this essay I wrote for a class called "Not in The Words." It is about my childhood relationship with my dad, not just my dad, but my parents in general. I learned that I could easily achieve academically, and if I did, the rest of my life (to them) was pretty inconsequential. They didn't know what I was doing most of the time or what was going on in my life. I hid behind the honor roll. Wow...what an impact childhood attitudes play into our adult lives...I still work hard to achieve...outward success becomes nothing more than a mask to hide my insecurities behind. I never feel good enough and it frustrates me more, it confuses me, it doesn't help resolve any of my anger. Knowing what the problem is is supposed to be half the battle, but it doesn't really feel like I am half way there! One step...my next Bible study is going to be on the book of Ephesians.