Reflection

I was doing my devotions yesterday and flipped to the back of my Bible. I have this really cool Cambridge that has lined paper in the back! :) I have had this Bible a few years now which means there are lots of sermons, prayers, and journal entries in the back. Sometimes it does me good to see where I have been, where my heart has been, what mattered to me at particular times of my life. My prayers have been pretty consistent-usually about my children. As I read through some of those, I was amazed at what God has done these past years in His provision for us, and wept over the unanswered prayer in my childrens' lives. Of course, I know, there is no unanswered prayer, but those have yet to be answered (that is what I meant!). Daniel is still estranged from the family, Kat is still struggling, Rob...he actually is an answered prayer. That I am very thankful for. I am thankful for a relationship with Gabrielle and the knowledge they are both growing in the right direction! It goes without saying that we are deeply thankful for Aaron and the opportunity to share in his life!

Last night as I was talking to a friend and sharing with her that my prayer for our children has always been obedient hearts and willing spirits. From the time they were just infants I began to pray that. Yesterday, I was talking (almost yelling at) to Katherine and telling her how I see this present conflict (not a new one, just an ongoing one) in our lives; towards the end of that I reminded her that love and obedience go together. God says if we love Him, we will keep His commandments. That truth extends so much deeper than the surface obedience...it is a reflection of my trust and faith in Him. Obedience in children to their parents is the same reflection and is just preparation for obedience to Christ. My children's lack of obedience from the heart hinders them from also listening and obeying God's call on their life.

I say all that to say...as I considered all of the above, I realized my prayer for them has been like praying for patience. Patience doesn't come cheap...it comes through trials. Obedience and a willing heart doesn't come cheap either. I have wanted it to just happen...I pray...God answers...poof...obedient hearts and willing spirits. Nope...it has more like an extreme game of tug-of-war...my kids pulling against our authority to pursue what they want, while we are tugging on one end just trying to hold on to them, no doubt Satan has an end, and he is tugging with all the wiles in his arsenal, and then of course God who is tugging (ever so quietly) in a whisper of the corner of their heart calling them to trust and obey.

My- if we...and they...could see the big picture. If we could quit holding on to the fake pearls when God has the genuine. How my heart aches for what I could have had all these years in Christ had I of just obeyed and trusted Him...and how my heart aches for my children...I so want them to experience all the glory and goodness Christ has in store for them....if they will just surrender their heart to obedience to Him.